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Saint Paul City Guideby Jeremy Ahrens |
 Saint Paul Travel Pictures
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 Overview - Saint Paul is older, cleaner and more historic than Minneapolis. It has a simple vibe. The capital city is home to four small private colleges, but it seems to lack the artistic energy of Minneapolis. Saint Paul does have it's scenes though. University Avenue and the Turf Club are magnates. Summit Avenue mixes well with vodka. Cathedral Hill is as historic as Minnesota gets.
What is the city know for - Saint Paul is home to F. Scott Fitzgerald, Garrison Keeler, a wicked Charles Shultz obsession and the longest line of Victorian homes in America. The Saint Paul Cathedral on Summit Avenue is Grand. The Ordway theatre serves up fancy musicals for the rich and boring. The Wabasha Street Caves swing on Thursday nights. Events - The winter carnival is an annual event, and every ten years an obscenely large ice palace is built for the festivities. Skip it unless you are into ice sculptures carved to look like Leif Erickson. I have lived in Minnesota for 24 years and only attended one State Fair. I guess people go there to eat deep fried meat on a stick and listen to Billy Joel. I skipped the Billy Joel and just walked around smoking J's with an Iranian and the Honorable Justice Jorge P. Smythe.  Music Scene - Station 4 books local bands every weekend. The Turf Club brings in a few national acts each week. They have a blow out event once a month. Mark Mallman plays a 36-hour pop song to usher in the New Year. Music, sex and sushi is decadent. Christianson's Big V gives second ring local acts a chance to strut their stuff each weekend. Their cover charge usually sucks.
The Minnesota Museum of American Art hosts patio nights each weekend in the summer. The museum has great views of the Mississippi and books a good band every couple weeks. Neighborhoods / Bars - University (Midtown/Frogtown) Christensen's Big V is a great place to see live music. The Turf Club is the best club in Minnesota. It's basement tenet the Clown Lounge has a weird velvet sad clown theme. Tip the guy behind the till $5 and ask to get a tour of the basement. Tip $10 for a happy ending. Arnellia's is cheap, but you might get shot outside the bar. Traxx bar and grille is a train wreck. Go there if you are desperate, lonely, or just need to open mic some issues. The Town House is the only gay bar of which I know in St. Paul. They have blow-jobs (drink) for $1. Real blow-jobs are free in the back room. Transvestites and dykes manifest on Saturday nights. Cathedral Hill / Grand - Chang Ohara's was fun up until it got shut down for sexual harassment. Sweeny's has a great outdoor deck and decent food. The Spot bar is terrible, but you will spend less than $7 for a night of drinking. The Wild Onion and Billys should be avoided unless you are sharking. Snobs go to the Vintage on Selby for a glass of wine. The Muddy Pig has terrible food, but more than makes up for it with attractive patrons. Downtown Downtown St. Paul is only really active during Excel Center events. Head to Selby Avenue on Cathedral Hill otherwise. If you must be downtown, go to Fhima's for a martini after work. The Liffey has good Irish food and an occasional special. It is building an enormous deck where St. Paul's fittest byrds will land for the summer. On the downside, the Liffey is connected to a Holiday Inn.  Places to Avoid - I hate Irish bars so I avoid the 1000 or so in Saint Paul. But God is an American and Americans love the Irish. If you must, hit the Half Time Rec. At least you can play boche ball in the basement. Do not go to O'Garas.
Taking a Lover - The Turf Club is great almost every single night for both guys and girls. Everyone is nice, hip and non-pretentious. It's increadibly easy to strike up a conversation with someone random. Sweeny's and Chang Oharas are good for 25 to 35-year-olds. Same for Costellos. If you want to shake it with college kids, the Thommies hit the Wild Onion and Billy's. St. Thomas students are hot, but not too hot. Young, but not too young. And Catholic, but not too Catholic. Got that? Fair play. Non Drinking Fun - Visit the Science Museum of Minnesota. They have decent exhibits plus a kick ass omni screen. Bring some weed and get high before you go in. I like to take a six-pack of beer to the Mississippi Bluffs where Summit Ave. meets the river. I guess you could substitute gummy worms for the beer if you needed to.  Party Type Situations - Ryan McGovern's 444 Beacon has housed obscene parties for the last 10 years. From Beaujolais Nouveau to Festivus for the Restuvus, 444 Beacon is naked crazy.
Food - The 128 Cafe on Cleveland is a basement bistro. The food is great and the atmosphere is different. Decent date place. Punch Neapolitan Pizza is good if you are a dyke from Highland. Moscow on the Hill has the best Russian cuisine in Minnesota. Jolly good perogi's. Ristorante Luci in Mac/Groveland has good Italian food. Saji-Ya on Grand is usually ranked at the top for metro sushi restaurants. Fhima's downtown is my high end choice. Zander's on Selby has a great chef. If you are looking for a great meal at a good price try the pizza at Cossetta Italian Market & Pizzeria on W. 7th. For burgers, the Nook on Saint Claire has the best. The Groveland tap on Saint Claire and Fairview runs a close second. Go to Porky's on University and Fairview on a Saturday night in the summer. You can drink your milk-shake and watch 50s cars and trucks tool by non-stop. Honk your horn if you see something you like. Lodging - The Saint Paul Hotel is swank but expensive. There really are not many low cost options in the capital city. Getting Medicated - Go to Frogtown. Frogtown is marked by Lexington on the east and 35E on the west. It is a few blocks north and south of University. You can score crack, weed, smack, and oxyCotton. NARCS have been putting dealers away for 20 year clips over the last few years, so don't buy in bulk gypsie. The transit stop on Snelling and I-94 is fair play. If you need a bong, porn, or a half panda / half Jim Morrison stuffed animal go to Maharaja's on W 7th. They dime themselves as St. Paul's party place. I cannot debate this. Check out the black light room paved with gold dust at the back of the store. Weirdest Scene - There is this group of freaks called the Vulcans who linger around parades and festivals grabbing at people. They used to be sanctioned by the city, but have since been banned from every public outing. I am 80% sure one of them molested me when I was 10. Every winter the city hides a gold medallion in the snow. Each week they give out new clues. To me, this is weirder than a glory hole. But if you are looking for a glory hole, park your car at the Shriner's Hospital and head down to the river. Getting There and Away - MSP International Airport. Our metro transit system is great. Click here to get a schedule. Transit shuts down at 1:15AM, so bring cash for a cab if you are out late. We have light rail, but it only goes to the Mall of America. Everyone is really happy about this. About the Source - I love Saint Paul and have lived in the Macalester Groveland neighborhood for 3 years. I can't wait to move to north-east Minneapolis. Websites St. Paul Happy Hour City Pages - Local music, art, theatre Saint Paul Pioneer Press Minnesota Museum of American Art - Patio Nights Places to Smoke in Saint Paul - About 100 bars left Guide Comments
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